6 February 2012 - Waitangi Day
I simply knew from the moment I decided to do today's 100 breaths that it would be a movement one! I felt the internal movement and flow instantaneously and as I walked into my lounge I felt the power of change surging inside of myself. I kicked my jandels off, and I felt the surge of nature through our heart rimu floor, the cold wood on my warm feet, and yet the life within it. From experience of these types of 100's my feet instantly secured themselves hip length apart and my arms spread wide, my little inner-self kinda shuddered with the thought! "Here we go..."
By the second breath my body was already moving to an internal rhythm, shifting my weight and discovering the balances and imbalances within my body. At first I felt a sharpness with the inhale, a forcefulness, a need to overcome the resistance of letting go. There is a moment here each time when I can choose to jump into the unknown or attempt to control and consciously make sense of what is occurring. This momentary decision played on a couple of breaths, but my intent and body had obviously already had a discussion and had already decided! It was already exploring and following the energy shifts and strands in my energetic space, my mind and ego may have had some idea to remain in control, but the energy and intention of the 100 was coming full force both from within and outside. Then there was that moment, blessed suspended moment when I surrendered into the process itself, trusting at exquisitely deep levels as I explore and delve into the known and unknown regions of our inner being.
The dynamic entry is often - as was this one, a full force ride through the atmosphere of energetic uncertainty, up-ending and unnerving to the delicate balance of the sane mind. My hands discovered the energy lines and threads of where to follow and they worked within the energy dislodging with rapid friction and movement feeling the unseen, and entering into the realm of vibration, this was not so gentle on my body as it senses the vibrational flow and moves in harmony and response to this interruptive energy that forcefully awakens sleeping stuck-ness and dry deadened un-oxygenated parts within me, for as these are dislodged the space around them begins to awaken the creative equal to the energy my intent is calling.
As the two energies circulate and meet each other my body vibrates at increasing speeds, the contrast to any dulled matter (I call them old patterns) that has hardened is sought out and the new energy seeks to engage it to reawaken to a new level. As breathing is my only conscious way of staying present I face the inner aspects of myself with full attention. Those previously unowned and rejected aspects of me are drowned with my full presence and attention. This seems to awaken them and their energy shifts and mingles with the pure energy that flows through the stimulated energy vortex that my hands are applying friction too. A sweep of energy surges into my body filling me with a new sense of myself I feel the internal disruption completely. A good descriptions is like pouring tonnes of fresh water into a bucket that is full of muddy density. As the pure fresh energy floods my system the moments of confusion continue and all I have to hold onto is the count and breathe at this moment completely taken by the surge of the flow. In truth the best way to label this feeling is orgasmic, on every level.
This continues and then subsides slightly - a calm and gentle rhythm lovely and quite....for a moment.
Somehow - I do not know what leads, my hands and arms begin to work with a new vibration and the rhythm changes this time spinning the vortex in a different way interfering with how it was moving previously, this new direction places me into a new choice - Will I? Can I? Am I willing to trust the process to the next level?
Another deep breath, this one again forced as I make my choice, I feel the sharp exhale, the choice is made and a loud and intrusive burning clouds my head area, the force pushing in upon my entire being an intense vibration that seeks to squeeze me out of current knowing. As this continues I draw in a very conscious breath to accept the intense pressure that is coming from every side - it feels as though my head will explode or even perhaps implode, then just as I'm overwhelmed, before me, in my inner eye I see a deep dark passage - that seems to extend into the depths of the universe (quite honestly I'm both elated and hellishly nervous at the same time). If feel as though I'm being sucked into this vortex my intention is seeking something, something that is there within the nothingness of space.
How is it that my hands know what to do? How is it that my breathing rapidly shifts and begins sucking from the vortex? My sane mind seems to be peaked in attention. Every attention particle within me is focused upon this place - this unknown edge of creation. My whole being, mind, body, emotion, led by my out of conscious clear intention begins to draw into itself whatever it is that is down that vortex. A part of my sanity is incredibly challenged and even though I swing in and out of conscious knowing perhaps led by my breath, there is an aspect of me that is scared, probably challenged would be the correct word, challenged by not knowing what it is, having to continue trusting the process, surrendering to something far greater than me, placing complete faith in evolution and expansion no matter how bewildering it is for the ego and controlling patterned mind.
The intensity of the pull of this is hard on my body. I feel my feet gripping to the floor, my pelvis and hips are moving and drawing too, my hands are pulling at invisible energy strands, and to be really honest for a moment as I observed myself from a space of ego consciousness I felt I could be from the legend of Maui.
I'm being honest when I say that I still have no idea what I was pulling but every aspect of me; my intention, attention, purpose, focus and will was engaged one hundred percent. I fell into the flow again and this continued my hands drawing with fascinating strength and purpose every inch of my body participating. My muscles where taut I could feel the pressure from the other end, the inner space of the unknown being pulled at, being called in - what was on the other end I did now know - but I knew it was important.
Then the energy changed directly and easily it was brought to the surface. I felt the thrill as the edges of the energy touch my energy and I experienced a flood of overwhelm and excitement as I knew it was coming into my space - or I into its space. My energy and body began to welcome its presence - this unknown, this bewildering newness, the excitement of something drawn from the depths of the creative evolving universe.
My count was still continuing - remember this is what keeps me in place. I'm at 97 and only just beginning to feel the rapture of experience, only just beginning to explore this new energy as my count continues a joy that is extra-ordinary to experience overwhelms me. My body again becomes organismic shuddering with pure delight, energetic and emotional pleasure. 100, and I'm so not finished!
No more count required, I bask in the continued vibration of energy through my body, my body continues to integrate this vast newness. A new creative expression of self drawn from the collective universe its self. I'm in joy of our beings, I'm in joy and appreciative even now as I write - knowing there were others pulling this new evolution into our world with me. I'm in true awe of trusting the process of life and creation its very vibrant energy that is ever ready to express in truly new ways.
Eventually I bring the energy into my space and awareness and now I will explore what this new possibility is, what this will bring into the regions of exploration and creation. I break from the continuing 100 as I feel the settling within and around me and my physical needs call, for water and food.
Well - so there we go for the first time - I share as much of an experience as I can. Every 100 is vastly different when it gets to this level - there are some patterns that occur with regard to my body awakening and integrating - but the energy and exploration each time is its own expression. I feel very honoured to have trusted myself enough a year ago when this process started to occur. I still feel very honoured to again reach into the inner realms of the unknown and delve into the merging exquisite expanse of who we really are. I feel very honoured if you have read this blog for your time and attention.
I do not know where this is all leading - all I know is that I have started another journey, this time with the courage to track it, this time with the need to capture it, this time with an urgency that is as significant as the last, but this time with such a compelling desire to evolve that I shudder in excitement as I even bring the intent into my awareness.
Thank you fellow breather, fellow co-creator,
Breathing with you
Joy Your Ride
