NOW in Our Heart...means so much more to me moment by moment...thank you for who you are in every form and every breath you take, your ever expanding perspective is exactly what we need in this world. My love and deep acknowledgement of you...
Thank YOU from ♥ to ♥.
As I continue the inner exploration there is a lot of learning taking place. It seems the deeper I go the simpler things are. Funny that being that the move through complexity reveals simplicity. Below is a poem that I wrote the other day...
“Dark Shadows Pure Gems”
Was now many years gone by, upon the kitchen floor curled I
would cry
Children asleep, stories been read, my hand wiped gently
forehead
The cold floor, earth need, for from my house I could not
speed
Stuck in a hole of misery, I limped through life deliriously
They could have been days where only children song delight
But know – I had created my own plight
The gift was given of dark void within to spin
For at the time I never knew the beauty of sorrow found
within
It seemed an endless pit of blackness, broken dishes, money
matters
I couldn’t have know the riches I would find until heart
ache shatters
Within the pieces, all strewn around were delicate wealth
I tried, I cried, I stood, I fell, I held my focus to grow
children health
The songs we sung open in joy during the day
Where weeping and misery when in bed I lay
Then all at once, I realise - it’s open heart wonder and
faith blues skies
When breathing within I could feel alive, and know the soul
never dies
Then within small things I began to find gratitude love and
heart of mankind
My daily steps more purposeful then, it’s moment delight
instead of a grind
Those days now I love, within my soul knows,
Without deep dark shadows, I never could grow,
I needed to feel to know this depth true for this is the
potential of me and you
To create something from the broken of heart is to echo a
light into the dark
This song is a joyful and beautiful one for I discovered the
essence and spark
So now when its dark and cold anywhere – I know that its
diamonds, gold, gems, earth rare
These gifts are a mystery how they are found, yet life is a
miracle discover in prayer.
Faith and trust remarkable songs as the message of love
expresses, pure heart gongs
I was exhausted after a big day. Nothing left inside of me but the physical shell of my body. Well that's how it felt.
So I ran myself a bath, soaked into the luxury of the water and joyed in the feeling of softness upon my body. Then I started my 100. Simply enjoying the flow, in and out, nothing to do but breath and count. Nothing to do but enjoy and be!
Yeeha the simply joyful pleasures of rejuvenating.
Everyone has that lovely place they love to escape to whether its a physical or a mental impression - they always feel free, revived and at peace.
I have a couple of physcial places I love to be, of course the beach rates highly (Raglan Beach), the Waikato River, or a lovely bath. All including water, but I must admit when I can't "get away" I go in my mind to the top of a range of mountains where the wind is blowing my hair, I can smell the freshness and the vista enchants me.
These 100 Freedom Breaths continue to take me on my own inner journey increasing levels of relaxation, allowing and transformation to occur.
Now - when I simply think, "ok....going into the 100", I begin to feel what may be emerging within me, it could be a quiet settled present set, or a rigorous physical set, but each brings me to a deeper sense of delight and awareness of how I am functioning on this planet. The barriers I have put up, or the illusions I have been living, or simply how un-present I had been! Lost in thought, mind or activity and forgetting the beautiful pleasures of the moment by moment life we lead.
Clarity of Intent is a fascinating experience, its like I focus and everything becomes clear and then I go into life and I become a little foggy, a little unaware, more reactive rather than pro-active. Yet I'm picking up on it faster than ever before and it only takes 3 - 10 purposeful breaths and I feel centered again and ready to experience life as a joy.
I'm grateful so deeply grateful to be experience the discipline of these 100 Days and I'm finding that some of the experiences that I have during the 100 sets I'm taking into my life. Like the YES! I'm using YES as a mantra at the moment the last number of days, I'm simply say YES, YES YES, over and over and it fills my heart with joy, and my body lightens, and it feels fabulous.
The beauty of the storms of life is that they hold a moment where change can occur. As the storm rolls in I now openly surrender to "what is presenting" rather than fighting the process. They will come, they will go. Life will blow and roar and rain down in its cycles where I can choose to enjoy.
More and more the enjoyment of a storm in my life, is allowing me to see that it comes and goes so quickly there is no need to get "all caught up" in it. It's far more fun to experience the storm in a curious way, I discover that I'm far more open to seeing that there are somethings in life that aren't working and to let them go instead of justifying, blaming, holding on and stressing!
After every beautiful storm in life there is also that lovely moment when the sun comes out again! There is freshness in the air, and the absolute delight of living takes over again.
Precious moments occur when I am curious and look for them. The deepest storms in my life have ended up being the delicious learning moments.
A quiet 100 Freedom Breaths or a storm 100 freedom breaths, all allow me to simply become more conscious of myself and my playing out in the world.
Sometimes the freedom of life comes in the moments that are the simplest. I know for myself its too easy to get caught up in the "events" of life and miss the simplicity of the small moments. That beautiful feeling of the sun on your back, the lovely taste of fresh fruit, the delicious moment of exchanging a smile, the precious sound of laughter, the extra-ordinary delight of the smell of flowers.
Each of these delicate moments hold a presence that just is, that lovely experience of simply being. That peaceful exquisite "I'm alive" feeling. From this place it's much easier to create new ways of being, new experiences and new pathways.
The business of life otherwise gets in the way of new pathways.
Loving these 100 Freedom Breaths over the 100 Days. The discipline is delightful, because it opens up a fresh way of living.
I have moments where I wonder what its all about, what the purpose is, why the game of life rolls the dice it rolls, how I am influencing - or whether its actually all going to happen any way. And other moments where I feel fully empowered, at one and in alignment and free and loving this expression we call life.
It great to have the differences, the comparisons and the experiences.
My 100 Freedom Breaths yesterday were uncomfortable during the process. But goodness I slept well!
Another moment of creating clarity of intent. Another day now to joyfully play and consciously be curious about life.
I read somewhere yesterday that sits with me even now the Albert Einstein said. "I'm not particularly specialized in anything, but I am passionately curious."
Passionately curious - what a wonderful way to live!
My 100 Freedom Breaths consisted of 100 yes's, if there is such a word.
Every in breath being present, every exhale - YES.
Honestly this is something that has no other words to explain it properly - if I tried it would be like trying to explain what chocolate cake tastes like. Until you try it, its only an idea and theory. The experience is where its all at, and only you will know if you like it or not.
Yes, I can tell you - its something I gently continued as I experienced my day today, because it felt so good!
I don't know about you, but I have heard a lot of No's in my life, and I say No far more often than I ever intend to. No - I can't do that, or No I haven't done that or, No - I wouldn't do that.
I remember watching a movie - where the Hero could only say Yes! It got him into a tonne of trouble, but it was a complete release too as he began to experience new things in life.
I also know that yes, is a very powerful state to be in, its good on the body, it releases wonderful chemicals into the body, it almost always puts a smile on ones face, and if Yes is causing me or someone else to own up to something its very powerful in its release.
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes - couldn't be more simpler really!
I'm discovering more and more that its my approach to life that makes the new areas of discovery fun and joyful. When I say this, Its not just about attitude, its a curiosity like a child, exploratory to the extreme, willing to try on new ways of being, like playing dress-ups, willing to taste a new experience in a new way, willing to feel into the depth of something with the excitement of what could be explored instead of the very easy adult solution of "oh I already know".
The 100 Freedom Breaths, with the flow of curiosity is leading me to willingly dive into the old known aspects of self in a more fun way. Delving into possibility and accepting whatever I find as only one perspective, opening up multiple perspectives and beginning to realise that there are even more than I can even conceive.
I'm willing to hold that reality is like a dream, everything within the reality dream has a purpose for being there. Every emotion, expression, feeling, sensation, event, person, experience and view that I have is purposeful and holds messages and is still only one way of perceiving the current reality.
When I come across another person who is also willing to truly put down their beliefs and values for the exploration of possibility we begin to play just like these beautiful dolphins, in harmony with everything around and tuning into even more possibility.
The joy of playful curiosity is becoming a wonderful way to explore the small and the big of life's experiences.
A cute reminder that sometimes less said is the best. I'm learning more and more that wisdom is when I say nothing, and in fact judge nothing and simply feel through any situation. There is no doubt about the fact that we are sensory feeling beings, with magnificent minds and incredibly complex bodies. All powered by some unseen force that permeates our entire being and is connected with everything and everyone.
How is it that we have believed so long that we are individual beings? The beauty of the fact that for so long I have believed myself to be separate from everyone is the most glorious giggle. It is true, on the face of it I am not you, you are not me, we have separate bodies, minds, lives, experiences, beliefs, values etc.
Yet on a deeper look, a deep exploration, with curious eyes that are willing to see differently than they have been trained to see, an entirely new world awaits. This incredible illusion of separation has its perfect place, its a grand way to experience. Its a blessed way to investigate how we create in isolated environments. Its a truly glorious place to experience, especially with the inner knowledge and knowing that this apparently insular environment is still a part of the whole universe and its experience of itself.
I'm feel deeply blessed right now. Grateful for the 100 Freedom Breath experience that is bringing me to face myself, my inner fears, my insular awareness's and the joy of this experience in the greater view of everything!
Isn't it fascinating how life stories permeate through our lives. Often its great to be reminded, and this is me reminding me too, that a metaphor isn't real, its simply a story we tell ourselves. However that powerful story also influences us. It leads and guides the mind to discover ways of relating within our lives to the internal story within our mind.
These stories may change and alter during our life course. They can be powerful and useful, or derogatory and un-useful.
For the longest time one of my life metaphors has been about horses. Having grown up with horses from a baby it makes sense that these metaphors are deeply embedded. I also known where I am in a life situation within myself according to how I am riding my internal horse, saddle, reigns and clothes, or bareback, and without reigns. I also know how I'm feeling about the path I'm on as to whether my internal story is hilly, through forest, water, along the beach or a road. This will often reflect my experience of current situations in life.
If my horse is bucking and rolling its eyes and I'm struggling to stay on, I remember from my experience with horses to trust them and to give them head and to stop fighting the process instead to become one with the animal (life experience) and in a very short time, I discover I have accepted the circumstances in my life and I'm easily dealing with them again.
The 100 Breaths continue to be a way of surrendering to the flow and enjoying the ride of life, allowing me to have the best of life on a more continuous basis instead of being annoyed or fighting my own path that I have created.
The flow, clarity and conscious attention to the present moment is allowing me more and more to let go of the past, to embrace the now and to more consciously create the future.
However more and more I'm less controlling about how my future "should be", I'm trusting my inner creative juices to formulate new ways of being and new experiences. This is dramatically different than how I had in the past been creating my life. It is removing disappointment too, because now, I'm accepting more that the inner feelings I'm having are driving creations and my reality moving forward, so observing the feelings are a far more powerful way to observe future creations than attempting to know what is coded within the images that are being made! Visualization is powerful, and is continuously occuring every moment of our day so the inner awareness of the emotions that are playing through the body are like a GPS system that indicates what is actually being visualized!
Fun stuff, all observations at this point, and still learning!
There is something simply fabulous about watching a cat stretch. As I watched my two cats relaxing, playing, sleeping and stretching yesterday I noticed how they reserved energy in such a beautiful way.
As I was headed for bed last night I did my 100 Freedom Breaths, having observed the way a cat stretched, I too began to breath into my body and stretch. Each and every limb, torso etc....(no need to carry on). As I went deeper into the 100, the stretches became more profoundly releasing, I could feel the awakening of my body the oxygen going into all the spaces. The breaths also extended out of my body too, an awareness of the space around me.
I find it fascinating the environments that we live within. The obvious external environment which changes as we move through our day and the inner environment within the mind/body. This is what I'm focusing on now. Not content, beliefs, values etc etc.
The Environment! Clarity of Intent and the effect of the environment both external and internal. I'm also aware that we effect the environment around us....lots to be aware of.
True to form the 100 Freedom breaths are continuously causing me to become more conscious of where my attention is placed, how I am attending to my life and other people. I'm feeling more connected to my inner flow and the conscious awareness of where I am more and more often. Not the "where I am" physically, although that is also becoming a more sensory experience, but the "where is my attention now", am I coming from my heart, my head, my fears, my inner essence, a place and space that is useful or a re-run of life.
These awakenings are allowing me to be more present and bring presence into the worries, concerns, fears and dramas of life. My presence when it shines upon these situations, thoughts and feelings seems to change them dramatically. In truth its probably only a little bit, but my transformation of these habitual patterns are dramatically altering the course of my attention, the freedom of my attention and therefore a higher awareness of whether I am clear with my intent.
This Clarity of Intent is allowing me to follow down new ways of being, exploring gently and subtly aspects of myself that have often been over looked, forced to remain quiet, or pushed down.
I knew in myself that the inner dragons, demons and shadows within my life would become highlighted through this 100, because the focus is about Clarity of Intent, and of course that immediately draws attention to anything that is taking me away from a clear and intentional path.
As I sit here now, I realise that over the last couple of weeks, I have had moments where I have had to face myself, old patterns that have played out and decide where to from there. Presence, my presence brought into those moments has been the absolute best solution. If I have gone into thinking and changing those or trying to outsmart or out think the patterns I have failed and have had to look at them again. But the moment pure aware presence guided through the breath comes in, and an observing no judging, acceptance reigns, then the light of awareness has changed my path. And more often than not, I have simply let it be, let that aspect of me have some air, in a quiet safe place within me fully bringing my intention, attention and energy into the one place.
Chemically I know this changes the density of the old energy. For I can feel it.
Wow, it excites me even recalling through words these moments, because I can feel the lightness of my body as a result of showing up and being present.
I'm grateful and thankful for the 100, on the very basis that I continue to consciously breath more and more and more during the day. I know breath is breath is air is air, but its doing something wonderful and causing life to become easier.
If you are participating In the 100, may you too experience your own joy of this very easy, simple and basic wonder.
Every day is a day to experience. It all starts when we emerge from the depth of sleep, any dream that we leave is left in that place and we move into a more awakened place, sometimes the memory of the dream if the imprint is strong remains with us for a little while, often though the dream is left in the dream world and we can't even remember them!
Then as we go through our day we go in and out of various levels of awareness, in and out of our thoughts, sometimes completely immersed in our inner world where our attention is caught up in a situation, event or emotional experience. Other times brought into the present moment because of another situation.
This multi-dimensional way that we live is fascinating. The 100 Freedom Breaths have allowed me to become more and more aware on an ongoing basis of these shifts in attention, these movements from one trance-like state to another, these levels of awareness.
I am in awe with the power of our human development. The levels of clarity from one trance state to another can become cloudy and distorted - even completely forgotten. In one realm of thought I can be caught up in my identity as a mother or business woman or lover and have a complete disconnect from my authentic self in that moment. Each identity shift seems to highlight a different facet of self, a different set of beliefs, past experiences and expectations. In many cases each Identity has simply held its ground, building on its own belief of itself, sometimes using a starting pack from lessons when I was a child.
For example. Relationships, I began with the Starter Pack the old already installed programmes from my parents relationship. I entered into adult life and built upon that Identity around relationship without even thinking to question some of the programmes, the rules, the over-rides, the expectations, the "defaults" of this experience called relationship. I think its so much fun now - looking at it. Yet I completely acknowledge at the time of experiencing relationships that didn't work I simply believed it ALL to be true!
Lets investigate the difference when I'm aware of my own programmes, the effect of the Identity (ego) the make up of it, the structure and the role that its playing. Now my authentic self, the true essence has a inner flow, an awareness to realise every thought, energy and action taken through that Identity is creating my future. Now I am able to realise that I am none of these. They are simply a set of programmes, rules, parts, values, beliefs and capabilities. Not who I am. Not who you are.
We are exquisite multi-dimensional beings and as we awaken to this, we can more consciously co-create together to explore new paths, new ways of being, new expressions of the God blessed potentiality that exists within us, the raw potential of creation. The orgasmic excitement of bringing something new into our world.
It was a decision made with a beautiful friend of mine who is also doing the 100 Days of 100 Freedom Breaths. She said she was going to do a crystal 100 and I was inspired to also discover the magic of the 100 with crystals.
As is the beautiful case with the 100 Breaths, they always happen as they are to occur and not always according to plan! (Little bit like trying to herd cats!) I do love how there is already an idea, yet the 100 will always take you where you need to go, not necessarily where you think you "want to go".
So, we agreed we would do the 100 at about the same time in the evening around 9pm, both of us working with crystal energies....well what actually occurred was...
9pm rolled around and the kids should be off to bed because its school the next day. Right that's about normal isn't it? Ok didn't happen! My almost 11 year old daughter joked and mucked around with me stringing out her bedtime. My 17 year old son had disappeared for a late night run about 8.45, and I had expected according to patterns that he would come in, shower check out the social media sites and then pop off to bed at 10pm.
In the meantime I started to bring out my crystals and place them outside in the moonlight. Even though the clouds were thick I did regularly see the moon shining brightly through gaps promising to be there when I was ready.
I made myself a drink and went outside to sit on the balcony with my bare feet dangling over the side alongside my crystals and tea. Both cats and my dog gathered around me, then returning from his run my son found me outside and sat along with me chatting and teasing me about what I was doing, you know the crystals and the moon. We laughed and talked, him sharing some of his world, me sharing some of mine, with little interludes of "Mum what have you been smoking, oh thats right you don't need to, your crazy already" I giggled along with him, watching the moon rays, but not seeing the moon, here is the thing, the two cats, dog "Puppy" and my son continued to stay with me. What a delightful gift!
But I wasn't going to start the 100 with him there. For a felt a need to be alone with this 100. This continued until 11pm. Significant because his self imposed bed rules were not attended too! He seemed to enjoy the process we both experienced as the sky began to clear and we talked about space, universe and other intangible things. Of course all his discussions were based on science, and he teased me when it came to "Mum's fantasy" as he called it. What a pure delight!
So, if you are still reading, then this next part is for you because its another level of connectivity that the 100 has called from within me.
My son eventually went inside to shower, so I started a partially participating 100. I could feel the call to go deeper, but I held back knowing at any stage he would come out to say good night. By about 30 I was feeling a deep pull from my feet into the ground and a pull from the moon herself. I resisted my body moving too much and instead went into a trance like state while focused upon the moon. Each breath gently encouraged my feet to feel deeper into the earth and as I pushed down I felt the surge of energy from the earth coming up, this beautiful feeling brought me more and more grounding, yet I was staring directly at the moon!
I finished that 100 and finally my son went to bed! Ah....now its my turn to enjoy more fully. I turned all the lights in the house off, and went back outside. The clouds had all rolled on and the moon was in full visibility! Perfect! Immediately we returned to the place we had been before.
Moving away from individuality and toward connectivity!
This next 100 was very subtle, very slow and very connected. My feet planted deeply within the earth I could feel her rhythms, my body gently arched and my navel lead with this next 100. I could feel the connection with the moon through my belly, as I more fully connected, I became glaringly aware to slow my rhythm down, to feel the subtleties of the movement. I went in and out of heightened awareness of the night sounds to extreme awareness of the gentle pull and tug upon the earth from the moons pull. LOUDLY and with absolute certainty I knew to explore gently, because I could feel so much of our mother nature, her interactions, the movement of the tides, the gentle throb of the inner core of the earth, The Womb of the Goddess.
I learnt at an even deeper level the subtle power of our connectivity.
With true love and admiration to everyone and everything on our planet earth, thank you for our very existence. Thank you for the oneness that we already are, for that was the other experience I had. For when the moon again became covered by a dark cloud, I could still feel her presence, and the in and out breath applied what I know as a fractionation (an up and down, in and out, aware and not aware, connected and sense of individualness). By the way I know some of my words are almost made up, as I am attempting to discover words to articulate such a deep experience. This fractionation left me feeling deeply aware that we are always connected to everything and everyone, its simply my level of awareness at any time that places an illusion of separation.
Well I guess that brings us to the end of my experience of the 100 for the 8th day.
I'm going to call today's experience the Racing 300! There is a simple reason, and that's because I decided on my walk with my daughter and our gorgeous purse-puppy - so originally named "Puppy"! Anyway - it was an interesting decision. We decided to walk around the race-course.
I was walking fast and also attempting to stay very present when my daughter was chatting! haha....Oh dear - My first hundred raced through - and well, I felt to carry on. The second 100 she ran ahead and I was able to focus far more....these 100 seemed to very much be a release, lots of relief as I breathed out....just before about 80 my daughter stood waiting for me to catch up with her.
I must say - I at first felt a little annoyed and then realised this is it - this is life! I'm giggling just thinking about this whole beautiful learning.
One of my forever interests in life is how to get past being the monk on the hill! I have desired to bring that beautiful spiritual presence into what I class as the "Real world", which is and of its self hilarious - because its illusional anyway! Ok, but my point here is that this was IT! Being Present and conscious and participating in life!
This particular 100 was conscious breathing - when in the presence of other people. Moving meditation and communication with another, relational breathing, conscious deliberate now attention in the moment with another being too!
As I grasped the idea my joy started to rise and I loved every moment of completing the second 100. Of course as we carried on - I naturally followed through with the third 100.
Now it became more of a "song or rhythm in my head", the occupier of my space when I wasn't engaged in listening to my daughter!
So the racing 300 was a completely different experience all together. It highlighted as the 100 Freedom Breaths always do a very natural human process. We always have time to connect with others - but are we taking them up?
How can I more fully enjoy every moment of conscious breathing and enjoy other people, causing a natural conscious awareness and presence to become habituated? (Kind of an exciting question really).
People who are very present in themselves and self aware are such a pleasure to be in the same room with. They judge less, say less, act out less and basically move through life less "stuck" in story, "drama" and illusion. These are the people who care deeply but don't buy into their own or other peoples justification, denial or blame . Instead they view life as a connected existence, full of fun, exploration and possibility. They live with their centre of self knowing that its a part of something glorious, creative and blessed.
It excites me that every human being has this potential, this way of being inside of them, simply awaiting to become.
Now this is something to explore!
Go the Racing 300!
Breathe consciously my friend
Joy Your Ride
I simply knew from the moment I decided to do today's 100 breaths that it would be a movement one! I felt the internal movement and flow instantaneously and as I walked into my lounge I felt the power of change surging inside of myself. I kicked my jandels off, and I felt the surge of nature through our heart rimu floor, the cold wood on my warm feet, and yet the life within it. From experience of these types of 100's my feet instantly secured themselves hip length apart and my arms spread wide, my little inner-self kinda shuddered with the thought! "Here we go..."
By the second breath my body was already moving to an internal rhythm, shifting my weight and discovering the balances and imbalances within my body. At first I felt a sharpness with the inhale, a forcefulness, a need to overcome the resistance of letting go. There is a moment here each time when I can choose to jump into the unknown or attempt to control and consciously make sense of what is occurring. This momentary decision played on a couple of breaths, but my intent and body had obviously already had a discussion and had already decided! It was already exploring and following the energy shifts and strands in my energetic space, my mind and ego may have had some idea to remain in control, but the energy and intention of the 100 was coming full force both from within and outside. Then there was that moment, blessed suspended moment when I surrendered into the process itself, trusting at exquisitely deep levels as I explore and delve into the known and unknown regions of our inner being.
The dynamic entry is often - as was this one, a full force ride through the atmosphere of energetic uncertainty, up-ending and unnerving to the delicate balance of the sane mind. My hands discovered the energy lines and threads of where to follow and they worked within the energy dislodging with rapid friction and movement feeling the unseen, and entering into the realm of vibration, this was not so gentle on my body as it senses the vibrational flow and moves in harmony and response to this interruptive energy that forcefully awakens sleeping stuck-ness and dry deadened un-oxygenated parts within me, for as these are dislodged the space around them begins to awaken the creative equal to the energy my intent is calling.
As the two energies circulate and meet each other my body vibrates at increasing speeds, the contrast to any dulled matter (I call them old patterns) that has hardened is sought out and the new energy seeks to engage it to reawaken to a new level. As breathing is my only conscious way of staying present I face the inner aspects of myself with full attention. Those previously unowned and rejected aspects of me are drowned with my full presence and attention. This seems to awaken them and their energy shifts and mingles with the pure energy that flows through the stimulated energy vortex that my hands are applying friction too. A sweep of energy surges into my body filling me with a new sense of myself I feel the internal disruption completely. A good descriptions is like pouring tonnes of fresh water into a bucket that is full of muddy density. As the pure fresh energy floods my system the moments of confusion continue and all I have to hold onto is the count and breathe at this moment completely taken by the surge of the flow. In truth the best way to label this feeling is orgasmic, on every level.
This continues and then subsides slightly - a calm and gentle rhythm lovely and quite....for a moment.
Somehow - I do not know what leads, my hands and arms begin to work with a new vibration and the rhythm changes this time spinning the vortex in a different way interfering with how it was moving previously, this new direction places me into a new choice - Will I? Can I? Am I willing to trust the process to the next level?
Another deep breath, this one again forced as I make my choice, I feel the sharp exhale, the choice is made and a loud and intrusive burning clouds my head area, the force pushing in upon my entire being an intense vibration that seeks to squeeze me out of current knowing. As this continues I draw in a very conscious breath to accept the intense pressure that is coming from every side - it feels as though my head will explode or even perhaps implode, then just as I'm overwhelmed, before me, in my inner eye I see a deep dark passage - that seems to extend into the depths of the universe (quite honestly I'm both elated and hellishly nervous at the same time). If feel as though I'm being sucked into this vortex my intention is seeking something, something that is there within the nothingness of space.
How is it that my hands know what to do? How is it that my breathing rapidly shifts and begins sucking from the vortex? My sane mind seems to be peaked in attention. Every attention particle within me is focused upon this place - this unknown edge of creation. My whole being, mind, body, emotion, led by my out of conscious clear intention begins to draw into itself whatever it is that is down that vortex. A part of my sanity is incredibly challenged and even though I swing in and out of conscious knowing perhaps led by my breath, there is an aspect of me that is scared, probably challenged would be the correct word, challenged by not knowing what it is, having to continue trusting the process, surrendering to something far greater than me, placing complete faith in evolution and expansion no matter how bewildering it is for the ego and controlling patterned mind.
The intensity of the pull of this is hard on my body. I feel my feet gripping to the floor, my pelvis and hips are moving and drawing too, my hands are pulling at invisible energy strands, and to be really honest for a moment as I observed myself from a space of ego consciousness I felt I could be from the legend of Maui.
I'm being honest when I say that I still have no idea what I was pulling but every aspect of me; my intention, attention, purpose, focus and will was engaged one hundred percent. I fell into the flow again and this continued my hands drawing with fascinating strength and purpose every inch of my body participating. My muscles where taut I could feel the pressure from the other end, the inner space of the unknown being pulled at, being called in - what was on the other end I did now know - but I knew it was important.
Then the energy changed directly and easily it was brought to the surface. I felt the thrill as the edges of the energy touch my energy and I experienced a flood of overwhelm and excitement as I knew it was coming into my space - or I into its space. My energy and body began to welcome its presence - this unknown, this bewildering newness, the excitement of something drawn from the depths of the creative evolving universe.
My count was still continuing - remember this is what keeps me in place. I'm at 97 and only just beginning to feel the rapture of experience, only just beginning to explore this new energy as my count continues a joy that is extra-ordinary to experience overwhelms me. My body again becomes organismic shuddering with pure delight, energetic and emotional pleasure. 100, and I'm so not finished!
No more count required, I bask in the continued vibration of energy through my body, my body continues to integrate this vast newness. A new creative expression of self drawn from the collective universe its self. I'm in joy of our beings, I'm in joy and appreciative even now as I write - knowing there were others pulling this new evolution into our world with me. I'm in true awe of trusting the process of life and creation its very vibrant energy that is ever ready to express in truly new ways.
Eventually I bring the energy into my space and awareness and now I will explore what this new possibility is, what this will bring into the regions of exploration and creation. I break from the continuing 100 as I feel the settling within and around me and my physical needs call, for water and food.
Well - so there we go for the first time - I share as much of an experience as I can. Every 100 is vastly different when it gets to this level - there are some patterns that occur with regard to my body awakening and integrating - but the energy and exploration each time is its own expression. I feel very honoured to have trusted myself enough a year ago when this process started to occur. I still feel very honoured to again reach into the inner realms of the unknown and delve into the merging exquisite expanse of who we really are. I feel very honoured if you have read this blog for your time and attention.
I do not know where this is all leading - all I know is that I have started another journey, this time with the courage to track it, this time with the need to capture it, this time with an urgency that is as significant as the last, but this time with such a compelling desire to evolve that I shudder in excitement as I even bring the intent into my awareness.
Thank you fellow breather, fellow co-creator,
Breathing with you
Joy Your Ride
Even though I was tired and slow today, I still held Clarity of Intent to experience the 100. I ran a bath and soaked within the warmth of it. As I did I started to consciously breath. Each breath circulating through my body. My lazy mind darted in an out of the familiar and I lost conscious count at about 15 for a number of breaths. When I realised I re-focused and purposefully attended to breathing and feeling the power of presence...
It's so easy in life to go into robotic mode. To be completely unaware as we move through our day, doing tasks and responding to life. It's so easy to let the mind simply wander in and out of thoughts and getting taken through the myriad of webs of the mind. I noticed that this meandering is often with content that has already occurred and plays over like an ad running and re-running on the TV, one thought leading to another and another, I'm sure it has purpose? Well actually I'm not sure, I feel when I'm in a lazy and unaware state that it is simply noise, mind noise which is familiar and easy.
I have a feeling though, that this mind noise distracts from our incredible creative authenticity. When I'm aware and conscious of myself, my mind, my body, my emotions through observing, paying attention and aware of my intentions, its a completely different experience all together, there is an excitement, a willingness and an anticipation within me. This purposeful attentiveness seems to invoke creativity and new thoughts, it plays with purpose and offers new unexplored content.
I'm the first to admit that my mind muscles are what I would call lazy. They keep running through similar patterns, going over easy already walked and screened experiences, documentaries within my mind that I'm updating and reinforcing. Why I ponder....
In this moment now I just realised why that occurs (well for me) as the images build I assign emotion (connection) to them, now this I admit has been an unconscious process even though done with expertise by my powerful mind. However in this moment I realise the purpose of it.
The emotions feed the energy of the thought, and this then builds the thought into something more substantial. As each thought runs through - supposedly carelessly, I then acquire the necessary values and beliefs that will build the energy of the thought. The constant re-run from various angles begins to build a collective of experience. Goodness I'm in awe right now! Thats it - what incredible beings we are. This thought energy then grows and as it is re-run again, it will then be assigned to other experiences - either real or imagined to build a complete system of knowledge within myself of this type of experience.
Let me give an example: Lets say it its an argument, (by the way - had or not had yet). The playing through of this "argument" will begin to attract emotions that back up an experience - forward come some options (normally old borrowed beliefs I would imagine) that feed into the thought, these emotions then draw attention to the situation and values and beliefs show up to be chosen to support the current perspective. Now I know that at the time I'm not aware of this process within me - I'm simply Doing what I do, CREATE!
I'm seriously very excited right now - just having been through this thought. Ok back to the "argument" at hand. (because that's what the mind would do), now its had time to collect an entire library of resource that will continue to feed that "argument situation" the playing over and fine tuning of tone of voice and facial expressions of the person, feeds into the thought energy and draws even more emotion and a complete string of connection, beliefs and values - this "hardens" the experience to put into play a reaction. We will then either act out this "argument creation" or store it for a later date!
Fascinating! Simply glorious. Love it.
So I'm wondering - keeping in mind the purpose of these 100 Days of 100 Breaths and the purpose to increase and begin to understand Clarity of Intent what else I can learn as each breath allows space to evolve!
PS posted the day after (oops time flew by yesterday)
Discovering the power of Attention will transform a life
Attention is such a fascinating thing. Have you ever been on a bike riding along and then looked over your shoulder? What happens? You know! The bike begins to change direction, ever so slightly, but it does and then the curb comes exceptional close, or the middle of the road is all of a sudden upon you!
A quiet 100 this morning, peaceful and flowing, easily discovering the inner realms of my body and being, exploring the nature of how I'm made up. Effortlessly enjoying the process of life itself as I lay consciously observing the ebbs and flows of thought and attention.
Yes attention is a powerful thing. Another thing I have noticed is when my attention is focused or stuck on a situation, and even though I may be present in a room and a little voice (my kids) is chattering away yet my mind is obsessed with a thought. All attention is placed upon the thought, the movie in my head and the unfolding of this thought. And then I get jolted with "MUM...your not listening!" Oh that right, they are so right! I had my attention placed internally and there was none outside of me. Now with my attention placed on me, the choice sits with my conscious attention to be replaced upon them.
Mmm....interesting ever had a business meeting and someoneelses attention is placed upon something that is not adding to the meeting? Frustrating? Oh it can be. Or in that same meeting everyone appears to be participating well at least with their body, yet a question is asked that demands an answer and no-one responds. Again attention is the key.
A school teacher in a classroom knows this and will same something like "Attention please". There is so much power in that statement. So much wisdom. "All attention here please" This majestic power of attention directs a human beings awareness into a focused place. Without the focus upon something specific the person will simply apply habitual robotic like behaviours as they are wrapped up in their internal world.
As we focus here for a moment upon the significance of your attention - a question may arise. Where is your attention now? Why is this important? Because where ever your attention is placed will make a huge difference in how you act out in the world. Lets say you had just had an argument with someone. Its likely that much of your attention is still placed upon the situation, the argument. This will mean that your potent energy is attached to something that has already happened and therefore continues to keep the argument alive.
Your attention literally feeds the good and bad experiences that you have in life. I know this to be true for me, as my life unfolded with different experiences I have learnt to realise I was creating those "dramas" through where I was placing my attention! Attention feeds the wolf, the thought or the emotion.
When we are awake - truly awake not just moving about life. We are then in a situation where we are responsible for our attention. Then the power of attention begins to reveal itself.
When I do the 100 breaths I get to discipline my attention to understand its habits and I get to begin to focus with purposeful intent as I move through life.
Wow:
The power of the breath!
The power of attention!
The power of you in your awakened state is devastatingly amazing!
Its the 1st of February 2012. Significant for me because a year ago on the 3rd of February 2011, I discovered upon a process that I now call 100 Freedom Breaths. I had fun last year playing with the conscious deliberate dynamics of breathing and experienced tremendous personal growth and expansion. I applied myself for 100 days and then another 100 days, but slowly let go of the process as I entered my third 100 days.
I have continually since then been very aware of the power of breath and have immensely enjoyed the release and relief and re-connectivity to myself of what I had disciplined myself to do. Over the last number of months I have been feeling a "need" a "calling" to commit again, however this time I was a little hesitant. For the very purpose that I am aware big changes will follow. For this time I'm entering with my eyes wide open, a new level of awareness about the process and the consequences and a very, Jez I'm going to use the word "reverent" approach. For I know deeply inside myself that this time - THERES MORE!
I kinda yelled then. Well....the truth is that is what has stopped me. That is why until today I wasn't ready to commit to such a purposeful journey. That's why until today I had held off thinking....maybe next week, or Monday, and Monday never came. Well it did come and it went and it came and it went, Oh I think you get the picture. Another hesitation I had was how to this time truly capture my learnings, explorations and experiences. But a wise woman - who actually tipped me over the edge today with my 100% commitment Stacey Austin, reminded me...just go with the flow, trust yourself. And this brought back immense knowingness of the perfection of that, as that was exactly how I came across the 100 Freedom Breaths in the beginning, I trusted myself and went with the flow. So here I am on the 1st of February 2012 about to delve into a beautiful journey into the unknown of myself and to share it on this blog as I go, this time I'm less concerned about what other people think, because even though the internal journey maybe private there may be one person, just one who benefits from this blog, and that one person, who may even by you, will impact the world tremendously through joining me in a sacred personal journey of becoming more conscious, aware, lighter, fresher, aligned, connected, loving and FREE.
Last year my purpose was to release stuck energy within myself and to allow a flow to circulate through me. This time in 2012, I'm excited, because this time my purpose of this commitment is to discover Clarity of Intention. Yes that's it, I'm almost certain that stuck energies will move simply because. I'm almost certain I will meet my internal dragons, demons, fears, hidden agendas, old stuck patterns and barriers, and I know with absolute certainty from previous experience that the breath is the most powerful bridge as it will bring my own presence into those experiences and the power of presence will simply transform them into a lighter and brighter and fresher way of being.
I'm also almost certain that I will discover something else I have been playing with in a new way. I have been exploring space, silence and the space within space, the potentiality factor, the pure potent energy of possibility, I'm both eager and in awe (kinda nervous) of where this will end up. For with purpose and intent to evolve and transform myself from being connected to telling stories about my life, and making sense of things through justifying and getting caught up in useless energy interactions, I now sit ready to jump into a new way of being, taken along by the highest intent I can hold and I have formulated this into a question:
What is Clarity of Intention?
This leads me to another question which is; What will I discover when I truly accept, allow, what is - for what it is and allow my true essence to flow, the authentic self, the connected being, the creative god or goddess factor to have its true place?
Ok lightening up a bit - if you are still reading, you may like to know some other benefits, more physical and more materialistic.
I know that the breathing cleanses from the inside - so I will drink lots of water - Its like a detox! This will mean my skin will clear, my eyes will clear and dance again, my body will feel lighter and more flexible, there will be a freshness in my presence and attention when I am doing things, I will be more self aware and energy aware (of others and environments), my intuition will become deeply heightened, there will be more and more conscious moments in every day where I simply feel free, unencumbered, at peace, and fertile to create.
If that's not already enough I know the process will also bring about multiple energy shifts, where I will actually experience (consciously) transformation within my body, my emotions, my mind and my environment.
Jez! I'm exciting myself...hehe, so with all that said, I humbly acknowledge that its a journey, and I do not know how it will unfold, it is simply one breath at a time, trusting the process and trusting myself, there is no right or wrong way to do it. there is no right or wrong way to breath, for variety entices variety.
Only
the commitment to do it.
the discipline to rigorously stay present
the absolute to complete each breath and each 100 in one day, over 100 days
the pure intent to allow the Clarity of Intention to unfold within me as a burning knowing, and then where to from there?
And as I have been delving into the different aspects of breathing I have been searching other peoples perspectives and approaches and thoughts....therefore into YouTube I went.
This video introduces flooding your body with oxygen.
Lungs shaped like tear drops, try doing body breathing instead of just chest breathing.
Benefits according to Huia
Mental Clarity - Enjoy your Breath a lot more.
Calmness
Breath technique is a reference to Alexander Technique.
Awesome Thanks HUIA.
FACT - you actual practice breathing inside the womb! Interesting huh!
I personally don't think it matters exactly how you breathe. For every breath is a moment to live in a variety of ways. Joy your and your way - and hey try breathing in as many different ways as you can and begin to in those moments become even more self aware!
The more breath options and choices and ways the more fun....
