NOW in Our Heart...means so much more to me moment by moment...thank you for who you are in every form and every breath you take, your ever expanding perspective is exactly what we need in this world. My love and deep acknowledgement of you...
Thank YOU from ♥ to ♥.
If I were a butterfly emerging from my chrysalis would it be comfortable? I think not. The stretch and breaking out of something that had held me while I transformed would also be a reason to not go any further. But I'm also convinced - as there are so many butterfly's and babies born on this planet (the pain of child birth is another great example of this) that there is simply an inner knowing, a clarity of intent to break out from what was to what is....
These 100 Freedom Breaths have truly challenged me in subtle yet powerful ways. Questioning old belief's which I had not truly taken a look at before, and raising feelings that I have discovered distracting and challenging. I had thought I had gotten over old stories from my past, and the truth is I had, but what surprised me immensely yesterday in my 100 was the new stories that I had replaced those old ones with. I hadn't transformed the story into a magnificent way of living, no I had simply transitioned them, created a new story and a different perspective, but not an inclusive one, not a story that truly accepted what was and brought in a new way of being. No I had almost rejected the old story! Now there is something I'm giggling about, laughing at myself even as I write this, because the human condition, the mind, goes into survival mode, it works hard to adapt and shift so that it still has a place, so that it's importance is still mandatory!
The mind is a wonderful and powerful device and tool that we have, but its not me, its not you, we aren't our minds. We have fabulous minds, however, perhaps like me, sometimes you have believed so strongly in what your mind is representing to you that you have forgotten (I certainly have) that is its simply a representation! And I have lived that representation believing it to be true! This is what I discovered deeply for myself in the 100 yesterday. The mind established I no longer desired to have a story, so it quickly created another! "Haha! There you go", it said, "I'm working with you, you have let go of that old story!"
And then I discovered - it had just replaced a new one. Fabulous stuff!
Oh well, the learning and pondering of another growth period. I'm not certain we will ever truly be outside of story, but I do believe it would be wonderful to know that we are living through one instead of living through a story and not knowing that we are.
Yes every 100 Freedom Breaths helps me come back into this now moment. Just this now. I can create my future moving forward, or remember experiences from my past - any other time.
But when I'm in the 100 my only intent is to be clearly present and in this now moment.
Its a discipline, its a rigorous requirement by me to do it daily.
To every moment just become fully present, and then play with life. Instead of drifting in and out of being asleep.
Its fun, its challenging and its me playing with life. How many different ways can I do the 100?
Clarity of Intention, freedom of passion, joy of playful curiosity and lightening up!
True to form the 100 Freedom breaths are continuously causing me to become more conscious of where my attention is placed, how I am attending to my life and other people. I'm feeling more connected to my inner flow and the conscious awareness of where I am more and more often. Not the "where I am" physically, although that is also becoming a more sensory experience, but the "where is my attention now", am I coming from my heart, my head, my fears, my inner essence, a place and space that is useful or a re-run of life.
These awakenings are allowing me to be more present and bring presence into the worries, concerns, fears and dramas of life. My presence when it shines upon these situations, thoughts and feelings seems to change them dramatically. In truth its probably only a little bit, but my transformation of these habitual patterns are dramatically altering the course of my attention, the freedom of my attention and therefore a higher awareness of whether I am clear with my intent.
This Clarity of Intent is allowing me to follow down new ways of being, exploring gently and subtly aspects of myself that have often been over looked, forced to remain quiet, or pushed down.
I knew in myself that the inner dragons, demons and shadows within my life would become highlighted through this 100, because the focus is about Clarity of Intent, and of course that immediately draws attention to anything that is taking me away from a clear and intentional path.
As I sit here now, I realise that over the last couple of weeks, I have had moments where I have had to face myself, old patterns that have played out and decide where to from there. Presence, my presence brought into those moments has been the absolute best solution. If I have gone into thinking and changing those or trying to outsmart or out think the patterns I have failed and have had to look at them again. But the moment pure aware presence guided through the breath comes in, and an observing no judging, acceptance reigns, then the light of awareness has changed my path. And more often than not, I have simply let it be, let that aspect of me have some air, in a quiet safe place within me fully bringing my intention, attention and energy into the one place.
Chemically I know this changes the density of the old energy. For I can feel it.
Wow, it excites me even recalling through words these moments, because I can feel the lightness of my body as a result of showing up and being present.
I'm grateful and thankful for the 100, on the very basis that I continue to consciously breath more and more and more during the day. I know breath is breath is air is air, but its doing something wonderful and causing life to become easier.
If you are participating In the 100, may you too experience your own joy of this very easy, simple and basic wonder.
Its a pure joy when I recall the interest of last nights 100. I again decided to use another breathing technique that places full focus upon belly breathing, but this time in and out of the mouth. Now even though my mind was a little hesitant I proceeded anyway. They are fast breaths in for two and out for 1, so the 100 happened very fast. Some parts of my mouth became dry, but as I was also participating fully the saliva formed quickly as though I was talking about something delicious.
Have you ever noticed how when you are in an argument your mouth goes dry? This is especially true when its something you don't like talking about. In contrast when you are loving a conversation your mouth will fill with saliva. Look at little babies, when they are exploring the world through taste, they dribble a lot. They are excited about their own explorations!
My body tingled nearer the end and as I chose to do the very energetic 100 before I went to bed I wondered whether sleep would come easily. To my pure delight as I lay processing the experience and taking myself off to sleep my body responded very quickly.
So that's the what happened.
My musings of the journey of Clarity of Intent has evolved to begin to notice more fully where my attention is being placed. I'm becoming clearly more aware of my thoughts. If they are off into something that has already happened often my body becomes tense and it becomes boring! When I purposely become attentive to the present moment and to newness and creation and becoming and evolving there is a deep sense of excitement. Its like all my cells in my body are smiling like a field of sunflowers. So I instantaneously know that that state for the body is a healthy state. Alert, interested and happy.
Talking about happy. There was years and years in my life where I simply wanted to be happy. I gave up that in about 1998. Since then I have realised that happiness occurs in the moment. It is something that naturally occurs when the mind and body aligns. I have had so many clients that I have worked with who have been in the search for happiness. It's an interesting search, because as long as they are looking outside of themselves, they will never truly find it.
Our human nature is to search, to explore, to create, to evolve. Our human condition is to believe our own stories and illusions that the mind has developed. Human nature seeks moments of ecstatic, exquisite urgency, where as the human condition wants to be happy.
So often in my life I get to this point. This internal reflective point where something (doesn't really matter what the trigger) has occurred and I decide to take an internal journey into what has attracted an experience into my life.
Good, bad or otherwise, I am a deep believer in the fact that every occurrence is a reflection of things I have somehow drawn in, rejected or called upon in some way. For no matter what happens I always sit in a choice moment. A place where I can either react or respond, or go into cause and change the situation.
I haven't always been so aware of this, sometimes it used to be every number of months I would kinda wake up in a situation and realise that I was responsible. Now almost daily I get to those points. And I celebrate the beauty of it, and I can also say sometimes I feel a little inner annoyance - because it would be "lovely to pretend I'm not responsible". Oh however to face everything with my eyes wide open, my heart open and to listen to the quiet still voice of my authentic self takes conscious choice. It demands of me to still my random thoughts, to stop the internal chatter of story and to let go of the strings of pretend control. It requests of me to go quietly within myself and ask a useful question to direct my mind.
"How would my authentic self become within this situation?"
Silence reigns instead of an answer. My brain and mind had developed patterns that were rutted deep in reasons, justifications, illusions and fantasy, blaming others, refusal and denial. For old questions used to run like "Why....why is this happening?" Well there is a library of answers for that a museum of technological art and theoretical answers to "WHY?" But I don't want those answers, they keep me running through a muddy valley, and sinking into the ruts of the problem instead of sitting on the mountain for authentic contemplation, quiet in the awareness of the much larger picture, the quantum exquisite becoming that we are all participating within.
So the far more useful authentic truth was just a guiding feeling, an awareness I Must BE Responsibile, face everything and lead with Clarity of Intent.
So I still sit quietly upon this mountain, and as I do in full presence the breeze of intelligent life moves my hair and touches my sink. The vistas of pure universal beauty can be explored, the touch of the current now reality is here.
It is me that will bring the rattle and hum of the busy mind, or the screech and rumble of the vehicles of old thought that whisk around a city of illusional mind.
I sit in choice - either the beautiful mountain or the busy city. I sit in choice. I know which one my authentic self has already chosen...
Even though I was tired and slow today, I still held Clarity of Intent to experience the 100. I ran a bath and soaked within the warmth of it. As I did I started to consciously breath. Each breath circulating through my body. My lazy mind darted in an out of the familiar and I lost conscious count at about 15 for a number of breaths. When I realised I re-focused and purposefully attended to breathing and feeling the power of presence...
It's so easy in life to go into robotic mode. To be completely unaware as we move through our day, doing tasks and responding to life. It's so easy to let the mind simply wander in and out of thoughts and getting taken through the myriad of webs of the mind. I noticed that this meandering is often with content that has already occurred and plays over like an ad running and re-running on the TV, one thought leading to another and another, I'm sure it has purpose? Well actually I'm not sure, I feel when I'm in a lazy and unaware state that it is simply noise, mind noise which is familiar and easy.
I have a feeling though, that this mind noise distracts from our incredible creative authenticity. When I'm aware and conscious of myself, my mind, my body, my emotions through observing, paying attention and aware of my intentions, its a completely different experience all together, there is an excitement, a willingness and an anticipation within me. This purposeful attentiveness seems to invoke creativity and new thoughts, it plays with purpose and offers new unexplored content.
I'm the first to admit that my mind muscles are what I would call lazy. They keep running through similar patterns, going over easy already walked and screened experiences, documentaries within my mind that I'm updating and reinforcing. Why I ponder....
In this moment now I just realised why that occurs (well for me) as the images build I assign emotion (connection) to them, now this I admit has been an unconscious process even though done with expertise by my powerful mind. However in this moment I realise the purpose of it.
The emotions feed the energy of the thought, and this then builds the thought into something more substantial. As each thought runs through - supposedly carelessly, I then acquire the necessary values and beliefs that will build the energy of the thought. The constant re-run from various angles begins to build a collective of experience. Goodness I'm in awe right now! Thats it - what incredible beings we are. This thought energy then grows and as it is re-run again, it will then be assigned to other experiences - either real or imagined to build a complete system of knowledge within myself of this type of experience.
Let me give an example: Lets say it its an argument, (by the way - had or not had yet). The playing through of this "argument" will begin to attract emotions that back up an experience - forward come some options (normally old borrowed beliefs I would imagine) that feed into the thought, these emotions then draw attention to the situation and values and beliefs show up to be chosen to support the current perspective. Now I know that at the time I'm not aware of this process within me - I'm simply Doing what I do, CREATE!
I'm seriously very excited right now - just having been through this thought. Ok back to the "argument" at hand. (because that's what the mind would do), now its had time to collect an entire library of resource that will continue to feed that "argument situation" the playing over and fine tuning of tone of voice and facial expressions of the person, feeds into the thought energy and draws even more emotion and a complete string of connection, beliefs and values - this "hardens" the experience to put into play a reaction. We will then either act out this "argument creation" or store it for a later date!
Fascinating! Simply glorious. Love it.
So I'm wondering - keeping in mind the purpose of these 100 Days of 100 Breaths and the purpose to increase and begin to understand Clarity of Intent what else I can learn as each breath allows space to evolve!
PS posted the day after (oops time flew by yesterday)
Its the 1st of February 2012. Significant for me because a year ago on the 3rd of February 2011, I discovered upon a process that I now call 100 Freedom Breaths. I had fun last year playing with the conscious deliberate dynamics of breathing and experienced tremendous personal growth and expansion. I applied myself for 100 days and then another 100 days, but slowly let go of the process as I entered my third 100 days.
I have continually since then been very aware of the power of breath and have immensely enjoyed the release and relief and re-connectivity to myself of what I had disciplined myself to do. Over the last number of months I have been feeling a "need" a "calling" to commit again, however this time I was a little hesitant. For the very purpose that I am aware big changes will follow. For this time I'm entering with my eyes wide open, a new level of awareness about the process and the consequences and a very, Jez I'm going to use the word "reverent" approach. For I know deeply inside myself that this time - THERES MORE!
I kinda yelled then. Well....the truth is that is what has stopped me. That is why until today I wasn't ready to commit to such a purposeful journey. That's why until today I had held off thinking....maybe next week, or Monday, and Monday never came. Well it did come and it went and it came and it went, Oh I think you get the picture. Another hesitation I had was how to this time truly capture my learnings, explorations and experiences. But a wise woman - who actually tipped me over the edge today with my 100% commitment Stacey Austin, reminded me...just go with the flow, trust yourself. And this brought back immense knowingness of the perfection of that, as that was exactly how I came across the 100 Freedom Breaths in the beginning, I trusted myself and went with the flow. So here I am on the 1st of February 2012 about to delve into a beautiful journey into the unknown of myself and to share it on this blog as I go, this time I'm less concerned about what other people think, because even though the internal journey maybe private there may be one person, just one who benefits from this blog, and that one person, who may even by you, will impact the world tremendously through joining me in a sacred personal journey of becoming more conscious, aware, lighter, fresher, aligned, connected, loving and FREE.
Last year my purpose was to release stuck energy within myself and to allow a flow to circulate through me. This time in 2012, I'm excited, because this time my purpose of this commitment is to discover Clarity of Intention. Yes that's it, I'm almost certain that stuck energies will move simply because. I'm almost certain I will meet my internal dragons, demons, fears, hidden agendas, old stuck patterns and barriers, and I know with absolute certainty from previous experience that the breath is the most powerful bridge as it will bring my own presence into those experiences and the power of presence will simply transform them into a lighter and brighter and fresher way of being.
I'm also almost certain that I will discover something else I have been playing with in a new way. I have been exploring space, silence and the space within space, the potentiality factor, the pure potent energy of possibility, I'm both eager and in awe (kinda nervous) of where this will end up. For with purpose and intent to evolve and transform myself from being connected to telling stories about my life, and making sense of things through justifying and getting caught up in useless energy interactions, I now sit ready to jump into a new way of being, taken along by the highest intent I can hold and I have formulated this into a question:
What is Clarity of Intention?
This leads me to another question which is; What will I discover when I truly accept, allow, what is - for what it is and allow my true essence to flow, the authentic self, the connected being, the creative god or goddess factor to have its true place?
Ok lightening up a bit - if you are still reading, you may like to know some other benefits, more physical and more materialistic.
I know that the breathing cleanses from the inside - so I will drink lots of water - Its like a detox! This will mean my skin will clear, my eyes will clear and dance again, my body will feel lighter and more flexible, there will be a freshness in my presence and attention when I am doing things, I will be more self aware and energy aware (of others and environments), my intuition will become deeply heightened, there will be more and more conscious moments in every day where I simply feel free, unencumbered, at peace, and fertile to create.
If that's not already enough I know the process will also bring about multiple energy shifts, where I will actually experience (consciously) transformation within my body, my emotions, my mind and my environment.
Jez! I'm exciting myself...hehe, so with all that said, I humbly acknowledge that its a journey, and I do not know how it will unfold, it is simply one breath at a time, trusting the process and trusting myself, there is no right or wrong way to do it. there is no right or wrong way to breath, for variety entices variety.
Only
the commitment to do it.
the discipline to rigorously stay present
the absolute to complete each breath and each 100 in one day, over 100 days
the pure intent to allow the Clarity of Intention to unfold within me as a burning knowing, and then where to from there?
