NOW in Our Heart...means so much more to me moment by moment...thank you for who you are in every form and every breath you take, your ever expanding perspective is exactly what we need in this world. My love and deep acknowledgement of you...
Thank YOU from ♥ to ♥.
Everyone has that lovely place they love to escape to whether its a physical or a mental impression - they always feel free, revived and at peace.
I have a couple of physcial places I love to be, of course the beach rates highly (Raglan Beach), the Waikato River, or a lovely bath. All including water, but I must admit when I can't "get away" I go in my mind to the top of a range of mountains where the wind is blowing my hair, I can smell the freshness and the vista enchants me.
These 100 Freedom Breaths continue to take me on my own inner journey increasing levels of relaxation, allowing and transformation to occur.
Now - when I simply think, "ok....going into the 100", I begin to feel what may be emerging within me, it could be a quiet settled present set, or a rigorous physical set, but each brings me to a deeper sense of delight and awareness of how I am functioning on this planet. The barriers I have put up, or the illusions I have been living, or simply how un-present I had been! Lost in thought, mind or activity and forgetting the beautiful pleasures of the moment by moment life we lead.
Clarity of Intent is a fascinating experience, its like I focus and everything becomes clear and then I go into life and I become a little foggy, a little unaware, more reactive rather than pro-active. Yet I'm picking up on it faster than ever before and it only takes 3 - 10 purposeful breaths and I feel centered again and ready to experience life as a joy.
I'm grateful so deeply grateful to be experience the discipline of these 100 Days and I'm finding that some of the experiences that I have during the 100 sets I'm taking into my life. Like the YES! I'm using YES as a mantra at the moment the last number of days, I'm simply say YES, YES YES, over and over and it fills my heart with joy, and my body lightens, and it feels fabulous.
The beauty of the storms of life is that they hold a moment where change can occur. As the storm rolls in I now openly surrender to "what is presenting" rather than fighting the process. They will come, they will go. Life will blow and roar and rain down in its cycles where I can choose to enjoy.
More and more the enjoyment of a storm in my life, is allowing me to see that it comes and goes so quickly there is no need to get "all caught up" in it. It's far more fun to experience the storm in a curious way, I discover that I'm far more open to seeing that there are somethings in life that aren't working and to let them go instead of justifying, blaming, holding on and stressing!
After every beautiful storm in life there is also that lovely moment when the sun comes out again! There is freshness in the air, and the absolute delight of living takes over again.
Precious moments occur when I am curious and look for them. The deepest storms in my life have ended up being the delicious learning moments.
A quiet 100 Freedom Breaths or a storm 100 freedom breaths, all allow me to simply become more conscious of myself and my playing out in the world.
Its all in the breath, life, expression, speech, oxygenation, everything that "keeps us alive". And therefore the very subjective internal process that I am experiencing with these 100 Days, this year, so continuing to bring me to greater awareness that breath itself also holds some magical keys to releasing and bringing in new ways of being.
Today, I did my 100 immediately after work, I could feel within me a desire to continue the shift from the Day 29, and so I fell full on into the 100, excited to discover what awaited me.
It became very quiet internally, my mind almost stopped, and I recall thinking - "gosh its quiet". Each breath drew me deeper into my body, yet more aware of my external space.
The delicious driving force of the 100 caused my body to shudder and move naturally following what I will call the flow of the energy of this 100.
I'm not going to continue too deeply in what I experienced, but it has awakened within again me same the depths that I was experiencing last year when I did two sets of 100 Day is a row.
It so delicious to explore the possibilities of new expression. Waves of sparks that spun my system slightly differently, an incredibly deep connectivity to the earth and an expansion toward the sky, yet within my beingness, possibly body an inner depth that just kept going, and all at the same time I noticed space within my body, and a continual awareness of body organs, and the connectedness that my/our body is.
So my exploration continues, holding in place clarity of intention, and now also adding passionate curiosity!
Not pretending here that life is perfect. Oh no - but a deeper acceptance to what is than ever before.
An awareness of story
An awareness of how other people do effect
Higher levels of intuition - almost to the point of having to stop myself talking too soon!
Dare I say - reading of other peoples images has developed quicker - and a little less language required
My healing hands are doing magic through them more and more
Yet still learning to live life.
Deal with my own "stuff" and being fully responsible and accountable is still a learning process.
I have moments where I wonder what its all about, what the purpose is, why the game of life rolls the dice it rolls, how I am influencing - or whether its actually all going to happen any way. And other moments where I feel fully empowered, at one and in alignment and free and loving this expression we call life.
It great to have the differences, the comparisons and the experiences.
My 100 Freedom Breaths yesterday were uncomfortable during the process. But goodness I slept well!
Another moment of creating clarity of intent. Another day now to joyfully play and consciously be curious about life.
I read somewhere yesterday that sits with me even now the Albert Einstein said. "I'm not particularly specialized in anything, but I am passionately curious."
Passionately curious - what a wonderful way to live!
If I were a butterfly emerging from my chrysalis would it be comfortable? I think not. The stretch and breaking out of something that had held me while I transformed would also be a reason to not go any further. But I'm also convinced - as there are so many butterfly's and babies born on this planet (the pain of child birth is another great example of this) that there is simply an inner knowing, a clarity of intent to break out from what was to what is....
These 100 Freedom Breaths have truly challenged me in subtle yet powerful ways. Questioning old belief's which I had not truly taken a look at before, and raising feelings that I have discovered distracting and challenging. I had thought I had gotten over old stories from my past, and the truth is I had, but what surprised me immensely yesterday in my 100 was the new stories that I had replaced those old ones with. I hadn't transformed the story into a magnificent way of living, no I had simply transitioned them, created a new story and a different perspective, but not an inclusive one, not a story that truly accepted what was and brought in a new way of being. No I had almost rejected the old story! Now there is something I'm giggling about, laughing at myself even as I write this, because the human condition, the mind, goes into survival mode, it works hard to adapt and shift so that it still has a place, so that it's importance is still mandatory!
The mind is a wonderful and powerful device and tool that we have, but its not me, its not you, we aren't our minds. We have fabulous minds, however, perhaps like me, sometimes you have believed so strongly in what your mind is representing to you that you have forgotten (I certainly have) that is its simply a representation! And I have lived that representation believing it to be true! This is what I discovered deeply for myself in the 100 yesterday. The mind established I no longer desired to have a story, so it quickly created another! "Haha! There you go", it said, "I'm working with you, you have let go of that old story!"
And then I discovered - it had just replaced a new one. Fabulous stuff!
Oh well, the learning and pondering of another growth period. I'm not certain we will ever truly be outside of story, but I do believe it would be wonderful to know that we are living through one instead of living through a story and not knowing that we are.
The absolute joy of tummy jogging as you laugh.
Laughter is food for the soul
100 breaths, over these 100 days, is rattling things up inside of me and I'm having to face my inner stuck-ness and work through to clarity of intent, free my passion even more and joyfully play. Its curiosity that is winning out for me right now!
If you feel like a giggle for nothing or some stimulation enjoy this laughing youtube clip.
There is something simply fabulous about watching a cat stretch. As I watched my two cats relaxing, playing, sleeping and stretching yesterday I noticed how they reserved energy in such a beautiful way.
As I was headed for bed last night I did my 100 Freedom Breaths, having observed the way a cat stretched, I too began to breath into my body and stretch. Each and every limb, torso etc....(no need to carry on). As I went deeper into the 100, the stretches became more profoundly releasing, I could feel the awakening of my body the oxygen going into all the spaces. The breaths also extended out of my body too, an awareness of the space around me.
I find it fascinating the environments that we live within. The obvious external environment which changes as we move through our day and the inner environment within the mind/body. This is what I'm focusing on now. Not content, beliefs, values etc etc.
The Environment! Clarity of Intent and the effect of the environment both external and internal. I'm also aware that we effect the environment around us....lots to be aware of.
The pure joy that I experienced last night as I was listening to raw talent, the voices of angels, the crystal clear sound of voices that touched every cell in your body as your listening!
I was so inspired and even brought to tears and then I added the 100, feeling the sounds within my body, enjoying the stretch and the relaxation as my body breathed.
What an incredible experience. One that has so few words I'm not even going to continue blogging. Its something that you can only experience for yourself in your own way. What a joy a pure voice brings.
True to form the 100 Freedom breaths are continuously causing me to become more conscious of where my attention is placed, how I am attending to my life and other people. I'm feeling more connected to my inner flow and the conscious awareness of where I am more and more often. Not the "where I am" physically, although that is also becoming a more sensory experience, but the "where is my attention now", am I coming from my heart, my head, my fears, my inner essence, a place and space that is useful or a re-run of life.
These awakenings are allowing me to be more present and bring presence into the worries, concerns, fears and dramas of life. My presence when it shines upon these situations, thoughts and feelings seems to change them dramatically. In truth its probably only a little bit, but my transformation of these habitual patterns are dramatically altering the course of my attention, the freedom of my attention and therefore a higher awareness of whether I am clear with my intent.
This Clarity of Intent is allowing me to follow down new ways of being, exploring gently and subtly aspects of myself that have often been over looked, forced to remain quiet, or pushed down.
I knew in myself that the inner dragons, demons and shadows within my life would become highlighted through this 100, because the focus is about Clarity of Intent, and of course that immediately draws attention to anything that is taking me away from a clear and intentional path.
As I sit here now, I realise that over the last couple of weeks, I have had moments where I have had to face myself, old patterns that have played out and decide where to from there. Presence, my presence brought into those moments has been the absolute best solution. If I have gone into thinking and changing those or trying to outsmart or out think the patterns I have failed and have had to look at them again. But the moment pure aware presence guided through the breath comes in, and an observing no judging, acceptance reigns, then the light of awareness has changed my path. And more often than not, I have simply let it be, let that aspect of me have some air, in a quiet safe place within me fully bringing my intention, attention and energy into the one place.
Chemically I know this changes the density of the old energy. For I can feel it.
Wow, it excites me even recalling through words these moments, because I can feel the lightness of my body as a result of showing up and being present.
I'm grateful and thankful for the 100, on the very basis that I continue to consciously breath more and more and more during the day. I know breath is breath is air is air, but its doing something wonderful and causing life to become easier.
If you are participating In the 100, may you too experience your own joy of this very easy, simple and basic wonder.
Every day is a day to experience. It all starts when we emerge from the depth of sleep, any dream that we leave is left in that place and we move into a more awakened place, sometimes the memory of the dream if the imprint is strong remains with us for a little while, often though the dream is left in the dream world and we can't even remember them!
Then as we go through our day we go in and out of various levels of awareness, in and out of our thoughts, sometimes completely immersed in our inner world where our attention is caught up in a situation, event or emotional experience. Other times brought into the present moment because of another situation.
This multi-dimensional way that we live is fascinating. The 100 Freedom Breaths have allowed me to become more and more aware on an ongoing basis of these shifts in attention, these movements from one trance-like state to another, these levels of awareness.
I am in awe with the power of our human development. The levels of clarity from one trance state to another can become cloudy and distorted - even completely forgotten. In one realm of thought I can be caught up in my identity as a mother or business woman or lover and have a complete disconnect from my authentic self in that moment. Each identity shift seems to highlight a different facet of self, a different set of beliefs, past experiences and expectations. In many cases each Identity has simply held its ground, building on its own belief of itself, sometimes using a starting pack from lessons when I was a child.
For example. Relationships, I began with the Starter Pack the old already installed programmes from my parents relationship. I entered into adult life and built upon that Identity around relationship without even thinking to question some of the programmes, the rules, the over-rides, the expectations, the "defaults" of this experience called relationship. I think its so much fun now - looking at it. Yet I completely acknowledge at the time of experiencing relationships that didn't work I simply believed it ALL to be true!
Lets investigate the difference when I'm aware of my own programmes, the effect of the Identity (ego) the make up of it, the structure and the role that its playing. Now my authentic self, the true essence has a inner flow, an awareness to realise every thought, energy and action taken through that Identity is creating my future. Now I am able to realise that I am none of these. They are simply a set of programmes, rules, parts, values, beliefs and capabilities. Not who I am. Not who you are.
We are exquisite multi-dimensional beings and as we awaken to this, we can more consciously co-create together to explore new paths, new ways of being, new expressions of the God blessed potentiality that exists within us, the raw potential of creation. The orgasmic excitement of bringing something new into our world.
Its a pure joy when I recall the interest of last nights 100. I again decided to use another breathing technique that places full focus upon belly breathing, but this time in and out of the mouth. Now even though my mind was a little hesitant I proceeded anyway. They are fast breaths in for two and out for 1, so the 100 happened very fast. Some parts of my mouth became dry, but as I was also participating fully the saliva formed quickly as though I was talking about something delicious.
Have you ever noticed how when you are in an argument your mouth goes dry? This is especially true when its something you don't like talking about. In contrast when you are loving a conversation your mouth will fill with saliva. Look at little babies, when they are exploring the world through taste, they dribble a lot. They are excited about their own explorations!
My body tingled nearer the end and as I chose to do the very energetic 100 before I went to bed I wondered whether sleep would come easily. To my pure delight as I lay processing the experience and taking myself off to sleep my body responded very quickly.
So that's the what happened.
My musings of the journey of Clarity of Intent has evolved to begin to notice more fully where my attention is being placed. I'm becoming clearly more aware of my thoughts. If they are off into something that has already happened often my body becomes tense and it becomes boring! When I purposely become attentive to the present moment and to newness and creation and becoming and evolving there is a deep sense of excitement. Its like all my cells in my body are smiling like a field of sunflowers. So I instantaneously know that that state for the body is a healthy state. Alert, interested and happy.
Talking about happy. There was years and years in my life where I simply wanted to be happy. I gave up that in about 1998. Since then I have realised that happiness occurs in the moment. It is something that naturally occurs when the mind and body aligns. I have had so many clients that I have worked with who have been in the search for happiness. It's an interesting search, because as long as they are looking outside of themselves, they will never truly find it.
Our human nature is to search, to explore, to create, to evolve. Our human condition is to believe our own stories and illusions that the mind has developed. Human nature seeks moments of ecstatic, exquisite urgency, where as the human condition wants to be happy.
Whatever life brings, there are moments where our true authentic self quietly with exquisite subtle power says. "This way". I know for myself I may have tried to do my own thing and still its like I keep going on a round about coming to the same choices. And eventually I go down the path that seems the least well trodden the least lite, but the one to take anyway.
The exquisite joy of going into the unknown a new way of being down a path that is new, is the joy of living on the edge of creation. In a realm that is awaiting exploration and a new becoming of self.
In the inner reflections of our being, in the interconnectedness of oneness there awaits co-creation. Something I have studied for over 15 years, and I still stand in awe of how we co-create together. What is it that draws one to another, circumstances to oneself and opportunity to become at every moment of every day? How is it that sometimes my robotic self continues to build barriers and concerns, worries and drama's when they are all an illusion and I for moments in time believe them to be true? For what purpose does this illusion feel like a reality so real that its fixed? For what purpose do I allow disillusion to take hold?
When we are gifted with such magnificent opportunity for exploration and pure potent creation - how come the hum drum of habituated patterns take precedence instead of the magestic becoming of life?
Perhaps this is the awakening state. The trances of life that I have lived have varied immensely dependent on how much responsibility I am willing to take for all of life's realities. The deeper and more somber the life drama - the deeper the trance I was in. The awakening from those places have been an extremely interesting path to walk. Like the awakening from a deep sleep where I had been dreaming and believing my dream to be real, and as I came through the veils of sleep into the more conscious awareness, there was a disoriented experience. One of not knowing which one was real. Of not knowing whether one could really only have been a dream, and the discovery that morning wakefulness is a place of potential has made me aware that the trance, asleep dream states have left some energetic memory that I am at choice of to either re-create and focus upon - or completely let go of and enter with excitement into the moment of creating our future.
Much to ponder on - and although I'm still learning and beginning to express, I am excited by this metaphor. For is being awake simply awakening from the attachments of illusions and "dreams" of what we thought were real?
Its not autumn here in New Zealand yet, but it was very much for me in the 100 today.
I allowed myself to become unconscious too much this weekend. I ate and drank food that I know does not feed my "best awareness" levels. And that's ok, I choose to do that.
And during my 100 just now, I was very much just becoming more aware of my body, taking in the moments of my energy areas that were a little blocked a little sluggish and little murky. And so as each breath entered, it drew me to where I needed to shine a little light, draw and oxygenate and replenish and love.
Simple, easy and kind. Gently paying full attention as each breath exhaled, noticing the shifts and changes, really just being, preparing myself to be able to more clearly participate at a conscious level again. Bringing out the awake playful side, designing the necessary patterns to remain awake.
My version of life, is that we are all here to evolve and its takes everyone to participate and be present and be involved in life and the greater aspects of life as a oneness - not as a singular soul having its traumas and dramas. I know that people are all in the place they are in. I know that we all have our own life experiences to consider and I also know when someone is vastly aware of their spiritual nature, that it is then their duty to be a part of life on this planet, to be very much a grounded spirit being working diligently to perform our part that we are playing in moving toward enlightened beings who walk here on this planet in joy and peace and harmony with what is, ever present allowing newness to occur.
My path in life is very sure, I am joyed by people and who they are in their ease or dis-ease, I'm also open to most ways of being, still working to accept the spirit beings who are thinking they are separate from others - the ones who are seeking another being to fulfil themselves, when deep inside we already are whole, we already are complete. We already are divine beings playing in a field of matter and experiencing the joys and sorrows of our perception that that is all there is.
Sometimes we experience great pain or suffering or loss in our lives and this is the Opportunity for us to truly deeply and significantly release ourselves from our own life drama's, yes there are lessons inside of these experiences, and most of all there are moments to realise its the story we have been telling ourselves that actually provides the opportunity for the imprint to occur.
I like ease in life, I have no interest in attachments and energy interactions that continue to feed our individualised experience.
So with the awakened playful side of becoming I fully accept my life as it is and as I have created it.
I completely acknowledge that the 100 allows the becoming of us over and over, and I also recognise the power of the 100 Freedom Breaths to simply allow me to awaken again to the full beauty of life.
So often in my life I get to this point. This internal reflective point where something (doesn't really matter what the trigger) has occurred and I decide to take an internal journey into what has attracted an experience into my life.
Good, bad or otherwise, I am a deep believer in the fact that every occurrence is a reflection of things I have somehow drawn in, rejected or called upon in some way. For no matter what happens I always sit in a choice moment. A place where I can either react or respond, or go into cause and change the situation.
I haven't always been so aware of this, sometimes it used to be every number of months I would kinda wake up in a situation and realise that I was responsible. Now almost daily I get to those points. And I celebrate the beauty of it, and I can also say sometimes I feel a little inner annoyance - because it would be "lovely to pretend I'm not responsible". Oh however to face everything with my eyes wide open, my heart open and to listen to the quiet still voice of my authentic self takes conscious choice. It demands of me to still my random thoughts, to stop the internal chatter of story and to let go of the strings of pretend control. It requests of me to go quietly within myself and ask a useful question to direct my mind.
"How would my authentic self become within this situation?"
Silence reigns instead of an answer. My brain and mind had developed patterns that were rutted deep in reasons, justifications, illusions and fantasy, blaming others, refusal and denial. For old questions used to run like "Why....why is this happening?" Well there is a library of answers for that a museum of technological art and theoretical answers to "WHY?" But I don't want those answers, they keep me running through a muddy valley, and sinking into the ruts of the problem instead of sitting on the mountain for authentic contemplation, quiet in the awareness of the much larger picture, the quantum exquisite becoming that we are all participating within.
So the far more useful authentic truth was just a guiding feeling, an awareness I Must BE Responsibile, face everything and lead with Clarity of Intent.
So I still sit quietly upon this mountain, and as I do in full presence the breeze of intelligent life moves my hair and touches my sink. The vistas of pure universal beauty can be explored, the touch of the current now reality is here.
It is me that will bring the rattle and hum of the busy mind, or the screech and rumble of the vehicles of old thought that whisk around a city of illusional mind.
I sit in choice - either the beautiful mountain or the busy city. I sit in choice. I know which one my authentic self has already chosen...
It was a decision made with a beautiful friend of mine who is also doing the 100 Days of 100 Freedom Breaths. She said she was going to do a crystal 100 and I was inspired to also discover the magic of the 100 with crystals.
As is the beautiful case with the 100 Breaths, they always happen as they are to occur and not always according to plan! (Little bit like trying to herd cats!) I do love how there is already an idea, yet the 100 will always take you where you need to go, not necessarily where you think you "want to go".
So, we agreed we would do the 100 at about the same time in the evening around 9pm, both of us working with crystal energies....well what actually occurred was...
9pm rolled around and the kids should be off to bed because its school the next day. Right that's about normal isn't it? Ok didn't happen! My almost 11 year old daughter joked and mucked around with me stringing out her bedtime. My 17 year old son had disappeared for a late night run about 8.45, and I had expected according to patterns that he would come in, shower check out the social media sites and then pop off to bed at 10pm.
In the meantime I started to bring out my crystals and place them outside in the moonlight. Even though the clouds were thick I did regularly see the moon shining brightly through gaps promising to be there when I was ready.
I made myself a drink and went outside to sit on the balcony with my bare feet dangling over the side alongside my crystals and tea. Both cats and my dog gathered around me, then returning from his run my son found me outside and sat along with me chatting and teasing me about what I was doing, you know the crystals and the moon. We laughed and talked, him sharing some of his world, me sharing some of mine, with little interludes of "Mum what have you been smoking, oh thats right you don't need to, your crazy already" I giggled along with him, watching the moon rays, but not seeing the moon, here is the thing, the two cats, dog "Puppy" and my son continued to stay with me. What a delightful gift!
But I wasn't going to start the 100 with him there. For a felt a need to be alone with this 100. This continued until 11pm. Significant because his self imposed bed rules were not attended too! He seemed to enjoy the process we both experienced as the sky began to clear and we talked about space, universe and other intangible things. Of course all his discussions were based on science, and he teased me when it came to "Mum's fantasy" as he called it. What a pure delight!
So, if you are still reading, then this next part is for you because its another level of connectivity that the 100 has called from within me.
My son eventually went inside to shower, so I started a partially participating 100. I could feel the call to go deeper, but I held back knowing at any stage he would come out to say good night. By about 30 I was feeling a deep pull from my feet into the ground and a pull from the moon herself. I resisted my body moving too much and instead went into a trance like state while focused upon the moon. Each breath gently encouraged my feet to feel deeper into the earth and as I pushed down I felt the surge of energy from the earth coming up, this beautiful feeling brought me more and more grounding, yet I was staring directly at the moon!
I finished that 100 and finally my son went to bed! Ah....now its my turn to enjoy more fully. I turned all the lights in the house off, and went back outside. The clouds had all rolled on and the moon was in full visibility! Perfect! Immediately we returned to the place we had been before.
Moving away from individuality and toward connectivity!
This next 100 was very subtle, very slow and very connected. My feet planted deeply within the earth I could feel her rhythms, my body gently arched and my navel lead with this next 100. I could feel the connection with the moon through my belly, as I more fully connected, I became glaringly aware to slow my rhythm down, to feel the subtleties of the movement. I went in and out of heightened awareness of the night sounds to extreme awareness of the gentle pull and tug upon the earth from the moons pull. LOUDLY and with absolute certainty I knew to explore gently, because I could feel so much of our mother nature, her interactions, the movement of the tides, the gentle throb of the inner core of the earth, The Womb of the Goddess.
I learnt at an even deeper level the subtle power of our connectivity.
With true love and admiration to everyone and everything on our planet earth, thank you for our very existence. Thank you for the oneness that we already are, for that was the other experience I had. For when the moon again became covered by a dark cloud, I could still feel her presence, and the in and out breath applied what I know as a fractionation (an up and down, in and out, aware and not aware, connected and sense of individualness). By the way I know some of my words are almost made up, as I am attempting to discover words to articulate such a deep experience. This fractionation left me feeling deeply aware that we are always connected to everything and everyone, its simply my level of awareness at any time that places an illusion of separation.
Well I guess that brings us to the end of my experience of the 100 for the 8th day.
I simply knew from the moment I decided to do today's 100 breaths that it would be a movement one! I felt the internal movement and flow instantaneously and as I walked into my lounge I felt the power of change surging inside of myself. I kicked my jandels off, and I felt the surge of nature through our heart rimu floor, the cold wood on my warm feet, and yet the life within it. From experience of these types of 100's my feet instantly secured themselves hip length apart and my arms spread wide, my little inner-self kinda shuddered with the thought! "Here we go..."
By the second breath my body was already moving to an internal rhythm, shifting my weight and discovering the balances and imbalances within my body. At first I felt a sharpness with the inhale, a forcefulness, a need to overcome the resistance of letting go. There is a moment here each time when I can choose to jump into the unknown or attempt to control and consciously make sense of what is occurring. This momentary decision played on a couple of breaths, but my intent and body had obviously already had a discussion and had already decided! It was already exploring and following the energy shifts and strands in my energetic space, my mind and ego may have had some idea to remain in control, but the energy and intention of the 100 was coming full force both from within and outside. Then there was that moment, blessed suspended moment when I surrendered into the process itself, trusting at exquisitely deep levels as I explore and delve into the known and unknown regions of our inner being.
The dynamic entry is often - as was this one, a full force ride through the atmosphere of energetic uncertainty, up-ending and unnerving to the delicate balance of the sane mind. My hands discovered the energy lines and threads of where to follow and they worked within the energy dislodging with rapid friction and movement feeling the unseen, and entering into the realm of vibration, this was not so gentle on my body as it senses the vibrational flow and moves in harmony and response to this interruptive energy that forcefully awakens sleeping stuck-ness and dry deadened un-oxygenated parts within me, for as these are dislodged the space around them begins to awaken the creative equal to the energy my intent is calling.
As the two energies circulate and meet each other my body vibrates at increasing speeds, the contrast to any dulled matter (I call them old patterns) that has hardened is sought out and the new energy seeks to engage it to reawaken to a new level. As breathing is my only conscious way of staying present I face the inner aspects of myself with full attention. Those previously unowned and rejected aspects of me are drowned with my full presence and attention. This seems to awaken them and their energy shifts and mingles with the pure energy that flows through the stimulated energy vortex that my hands are applying friction too. A sweep of energy surges into my body filling me with a new sense of myself I feel the internal disruption completely. A good descriptions is like pouring tonnes of fresh water into a bucket that is full of muddy density. As the pure fresh energy floods my system the moments of confusion continue and all I have to hold onto is the count and breathe at this moment completely taken by the surge of the flow. In truth the best way to label this feeling is orgasmic, on every level.
This continues and then subsides slightly - a calm and gentle rhythm lovely and quite....for a moment.
Somehow - I do not know what leads, my hands and arms begin to work with a new vibration and the rhythm changes this time spinning the vortex in a different way interfering with how it was moving previously, this new direction places me into a new choice - Will I? Can I? Am I willing to trust the process to the next level?
Another deep breath, this one again forced as I make my choice, I feel the sharp exhale, the choice is made and a loud and intrusive burning clouds my head area, the force pushing in upon my entire being an intense vibration that seeks to squeeze me out of current knowing. As this continues I draw in a very conscious breath to accept the intense pressure that is coming from every side - it feels as though my head will explode or even perhaps implode, then just as I'm overwhelmed, before me, in my inner eye I see a deep dark passage - that seems to extend into the depths of the universe (quite honestly I'm both elated and hellishly nervous at the same time). If feel as though I'm being sucked into this vortex my intention is seeking something, something that is there within the nothingness of space.
How is it that my hands know what to do? How is it that my breathing rapidly shifts and begins sucking from the vortex? My sane mind seems to be peaked in attention. Every attention particle within me is focused upon this place - this unknown edge of creation. My whole being, mind, body, emotion, led by my out of conscious clear intention begins to draw into itself whatever it is that is down that vortex. A part of my sanity is incredibly challenged and even though I swing in and out of conscious knowing perhaps led by my breath, there is an aspect of me that is scared, probably challenged would be the correct word, challenged by not knowing what it is, having to continue trusting the process, surrendering to something far greater than me, placing complete faith in evolution and expansion no matter how bewildering it is for the ego and controlling patterned mind.
The intensity of the pull of this is hard on my body. I feel my feet gripping to the floor, my pelvis and hips are moving and drawing too, my hands are pulling at invisible energy strands, and to be really honest for a moment as I observed myself from a space of ego consciousness I felt I could be from the legend of Maui.
I'm being honest when I say that I still have no idea what I was pulling but every aspect of me; my intention, attention, purpose, focus and will was engaged one hundred percent. I fell into the flow again and this continued my hands drawing with fascinating strength and purpose every inch of my body participating. My muscles where taut I could feel the pressure from the other end, the inner space of the unknown being pulled at, being called in - what was on the other end I did now know - but I knew it was important.
Then the energy changed directly and easily it was brought to the surface. I felt the thrill as the edges of the energy touch my energy and I experienced a flood of overwhelm and excitement as I knew it was coming into my space - or I into its space. My energy and body began to welcome its presence - this unknown, this bewildering newness, the excitement of something drawn from the depths of the creative evolving universe.
My count was still continuing - remember this is what keeps me in place. I'm at 97 and only just beginning to feel the rapture of experience, only just beginning to explore this new energy as my count continues a joy that is extra-ordinary to experience overwhelms me. My body again becomes organismic shuddering with pure delight, energetic and emotional pleasure. 100, and I'm so not finished!
No more count required, I bask in the continued vibration of energy through my body, my body continues to integrate this vast newness. A new creative expression of self drawn from the collective universe its self. I'm in joy of our beings, I'm in joy and appreciative even now as I write - knowing there were others pulling this new evolution into our world with me. I'm in true awe of trusting the process of life and creation its very vibrant energy that is ever ready to express in truly new ways.
Eventually I bring the energy into my space and awareness and now I will explore what this new possibility is, what this will bring into the regions of exploration and creation. I break from the continuing 100 as I feel the settling within and around me and my physical needs call, for water and food.
Well - so there we go for the first time - I share as much of an experience as I can. Every 100 is vastly different when it gets to this level - there are some patterns that occur with regard to my body awakening and integrating - but the energy and exploration each time is its own expression. I feel very honoured to have trusted myself enough a year ago when this process started to occur. I still feel very honoured to again reach into the inner realms of the unknown and delve into the merging exquisite expanse of who we really are. I feel very honoured if you have read this blog for your time and attention.
I do not know where this is all leading - all I know is that I have started another journey, this time with the courage to track it, this time with the need to capture it, this time with an urgency that is as significant as the last, but this time with such a compelling desire to evolve that I shudder in excitement as I even bring the intent into my awareness.
Thank you fellow breather, fellow co-creator,
Breathing with you
Joy Your Ride
Even though I was tired and slow today, I still held Clarity of Intent to experience the 100. I ran a bath and soaked within the warmth of it. As I did I started to consciously breath. Each breath circulating through my body. My lazy mind darted in an out of the familiar and I lost conscious count at about 15 for a number of breaths. When I realised I re-focused and purposefully attended to breathing and feeling the power of presence...
It's so easy in life to go into robotic mode. To be completely unaware as we move through our day, doing tasks and responding to life. It's so easy to let the mind simply wander in and out of thoughts and getting taken through the myriad of webs of the mind. I noticed that this meandering is often with content that has already occurred and plays over like an ad running and re-running on the TV, one thought leading to another and another, I'm sure it has purpose? Well actually I'm not sure, I feel when I'm in a lazy and unaware state that it is simply noise, mind noise which is familiar and easy.
I have a feeling though, that this mind noise distracts from our incredible creative authenticity. When I'm aware and conscious of myself, my mind, my body, my emotions through observing, paying attention and aware of my intentions, its a completely different experience all together, there is an excitement, a willingness and an anticipation within me. This purposeful attentiveness seems to invoke creativity and new thoughts, it plays with purpose and offers new unexplored content.
I'm the first to admit that my mind muscles are what I would call lazy. They keep running through similar patterns, going over easy already walked and screened experiences, documentaries within my mind that I'm updating and reinforcing. Why I ponder....
In this moment now I just realised why that occurs (well for me) as the images build I assign emotion (connection) to them, now this I admit has been an unconscious process even though done with expertise by my powerful mind. However in this moment I realise the purpose of it.
The emotions feed the energy of the thought, and this then builds the thought into something more substantial. As each thought runs through - supposedly carelessly, I then acquire the necessary values and beliefs that will build the energy of the thought. The constant re-run from various angles begins to build a collective of experience. Goodness I'm in awe right now! Thats it - what incredible beings we are. This thought energy then grows and as it is re-run again, it will then be assigned to other experiences - either real or imagined to build a complete system of knowledge within myself of this type of experience.
Let me give an example: Lets say it its an argument, (by the way - had or not had yet). The playing through of this "argument" will begin to attract emotions that back up an experience - forward come some options (normally old borrowed beliefs I would imagine) that feed into the thought, these emotions then draw attention to the situation and values and beliefs show up to be chosen to support the current perspective. Now I know that at the time I'm not aware of this process within me - I'm simply Doing what I do, CREATE!
I'm seriously very excited right now - just having been through this thought. Ok back to the "argument" at hand. (because that's what the mind would do), now its had time to collect an entire library of resource that will continue to feed that "argument situation" the playing over and fine tuning of tone of voice and facial expressions of the person, feeds into the thought energy and draws even more emotion and a complete string of connection, beliefs and values - this "hardens" the experience to put into play a reaction. We will then either act out this "argument creation" or store it for a later date!
Fascinating! Simply glorious. Love it.
So I'm wondering - keeping in mind the purpose of these 100 Days of 100 Breaths and the purpose to increase and begin to understand Clarity of Intent what else I can learn as each breath allows space to evolve!
PS posted the day after (oops time flew by yesterday)
I'm vastly interested right now in the environment within our bodies and outside of ourselves.
Today my 100 breaths lead me to notice the environment of my inner being as I breathe. Each breath as it circulated gently pulled from my belly instead of from my nose, no force, simply inhaling and exhaling allowed me to be aware of myself, and yet I couldn't truly discover where I started and finished, for as these breaths continued to circulate, it was as though even though I was aware of me - the space, was completely un-solid! Yet I have a body right! Where did it disappear within the space of the breath? Even though it was momentarily.
You have a body right? You do - I see yours and other all of the time - your body, my body, your thoughts and my thoughts interacting as we communicate, your emotions expressed through how you are being, my emotions expressed through how I'm being, yet as each breath circulated there were moments where those thoughts, emotions and body were invisible, and only space occurred. Even now as I'm writing I can re-experience this moment over and over again, yet my hands continue to type and words continue to form onto the screen in front of me. Gosh we are multiplicity in action.
So questions for direction comes to mind....for what purpose have we individualised? For what purpose have I seen myself as such a separate individual? For what purpose have I rolled around in my own dramas? For what purpose have I witnessed and experienced such inconsequential things that I made to be so dramatic or allowed to effect me so strongly? For what purpose has this been unfolding?
A lovely moment occurred to me just now, is it really air that I'm breathing? I remember the first Matrix movie where the question is raised. When Morphious asked Neo "Do you think that's air your breathing?" Oh I know your thinking that's a movie. So is our lives they are clusters of visual, auditory and emotive senses all placed together in one place for an experience to be had.
What if the breath we breathe is the oneness?
What if the "air" as a label is the oneness the space of potentiality the connectedness occurring continuously always in one moment. Oh of course it is!....perhaps.
The air and energies within which we move, and play are all full of information from across our planet, potential experiences, potent moments to become...
For what are we/I becoming? Where is our future leading to? What are we creating within our singular and collective space? Is this by accident, or are we becoming conscious enough to trust our inner authenticity, our inner knowingness?
Much to ponder....many breaths to take
So thats my musings from today's 100 Breaths.
Joy Your Ride!
Its the 1st of February 2012. Significant for me because a year ago on the 3rd of February 2011, I discovered upon a process that I now call 100 Freedom Breaths. I had fun last year playing with the conscious deliberate dynamics of breathing and experienced tremendous personal growth and expansion. I applied myself for 100 days and then another 100 days, but slowly let go of the process as I entered my third 100 days.
I have continually since then been very aware of the power of breath and have immensely enjoyed the release and relief and re-connectivity to myself of what I had disciplined myself to do. Over the last number of months I have been feeling a "need" a "calling" to commit again, however this time I was a little hesitant. For the very purpose that I am aware big changes will follow. For this time I'm entering with my eyes wide open, a new level of awareness about the process and the consequences and a very, Jez I'm going to use the word "reverent" approach. For I know deeply inside myself that this time - THERES MORE!
I kinda yelled then. Well....the truth is that is what has stopped me. That is why until today I wasn't ready to commit to such a purposeful journey. That's why until today I had held off thinking....maybe next week, or Monday, and Monday never came. Well it did come and it went and it came and it went, Oh I think you get the picture. Another hesitation I had was how to this time truly capture my learnings, explorations and experiences. But a wise woman - who actually tipped me over the edge today with my 100% commitment Stacey Austin, reminded me...just go with the flow, trust yourself. And this brought back immense knowingness of the perfection of that, as that was exactly how I came across the 100 Freedom Breaths in the beginning, I trusted myself and went with the flow. So here I am on the 1st of February 2012 about to delve into a beautiful journey into the unknown of myself and to share it on this blog as I go, this time I'm less concerned about what other people think, because even though the internal journey maybe private there may be one person, just one who benefits from this blog, and that one person, who may even by you, will impact the world tremendously through joining me in a sacred personal journey of becoming more conscious, aware, lighter, fresher, aligned, connected, loving and FREE.
Last year my purpose was to release stuck energy within myself and to allow a flow to circulate through me. This time in 2012, I'm excited, because this time my purpose of this commitment is to discover Clarity of Intention. Yes that's it, I'm almost certain that stuck energies will move simply because. I'm almost certain I will meet my internal dragons, demons, fears, hidden agendas, old stuck patterns and barriers, and I know with absolute certainty from previous experience that the breath is the most powerful bridge as it will bring my own presence into those experiences and the power of presence will simply transform them into a lighter and brighter and fresher way of being.
I'm also almost certain that I will discover something else I have been playing with in a new way. I have been exploring space, silence and the space within space, the potentiality factor, the pure potent energy of possibility, I'm both eager and in awe (kinda nervous) of where this will end up. For with purpose and intent to evolve and transform myself from being connected to telling stories about my life, and making sense of things through justifying and getting caught up in useless energy interactions, I now sit ready to jump into a new way of being, taken along by the highest intent I can hold and I have formulated this into a question:
What is Clarity of Intention?
This leads me to another question which is; What will I discover when I truly accept, allow, what is - for what it is and allow my true essence to flow, the authentic self, the connected being, the creative god or goddess factor to have its true place?
Ok lightening up a bit - if you are still reading, you may like to know some other benefits, more physical and more materialistic.
I know that the breathing cleanses from the inside - so I will drink lots of water - Its like a detox! This will mean my skin will clear, my eyes will clear and dance again, my body will feel lighter and more flexible, there will be a freshness in my presence and attention when I am doing things, I will be more self aware and energy aware (of others and environments), my intuition will become deeply heightened, there will be more and more conscious moments in every day where I simply feel free, unencumbered, at peace, and fertile to create.
If that's not already enough I know the process will also bring about multiple energy shifts, where I will actually experience (consciously) transformation within my body, my emotions, my mind and my environment.
Jez! I'm exciting myself...hehe, so with all that said, I humbly acknowledge that its a journey, and I do not know how it will unfold, it is simply one breath at a time, trusting the process and trusting myself, there is no right or wrong way to do it. there is no right or wrong way to breath, for variety entices variety.
Only
the commitment to do it.
the discipline to rigorously stay present
the absolute to complete each breath and each 100 in one day, over 100 days
the pure intent to allow the Clarity of Intention to unfold within me as a burning knowing, and then where to from there?
